In Over My head

I'm not quite sure how to properly express the feelings I am experiencing at the moment.  You know the queasiness in your stomach and the lump in your throat when you are about to do something you feel is completely out of your element?  Yeah, that's me.  So, what is making feel all nervous and anxious? Bible study.  More specifically, a Bible study that I am kinda starting up.

 I wanted to get involved in a home group at ABC, but the thought of joining an already established home group didn't sit well with my Spirit.  In the following weeks, I found girls that I wanted to love on and learn more about Jesus with, but was still unsure how to do this in a non-awkward way.  In a passing conversation with a friend, I discovered that she was not in a home group but would like to be in one but none of the home groups offered fit with her schedule.  I suggested getting together to do a Bible study, and then she told me of other girls not involved in a home group but wanting to be in one.  Now I have a small group of young women about to arrive to my house.  How the heck did this happen?

I think that a majority of my nerves stem from the fact that I don't want to be the leader, and I feel that because I am organizing it, that the girls will look at me like I have everything figured out.  I Don't. I am broken, and I haven't the fainest idea of what I am doing.  I have only participated in Bible studies before, sometimes halfheartedly.  I wish I paid more attention to the studies I did when I was a young Christian, then I think I may feel more prepared. I would feel more competent and not like I am wading in unknown waters.  

I have mixed feelings about the unknown.  By that I mean, I hate planning it is the bane of my existence, however,  the endless possibilities and outcomes wreck havoc on my mind.  Basically, I am an over-thinker.  So in my mind, I have already found a bajillion flaws with the study.  All of them focusing on me and my insecurities. What if I am expected to know all the answers? What if no one talks? What if no one comes, how will that reflect back onto me?  I'm allowing questions like these dictate my actions, instead of trusting in God through this process.  Ultimately, this is about God and giving Him the praise and glory.  We get the privilege of learning more about our Saviour, and share all that He is teaching us on an individual basis with a group of believers. This Bible study is such a great growing opportunity for everyone involved because we get to mold it into exactly what we want and need for our own personal relationship with Christ.  That is way cool.  I get to know Jesus more by what He is doing in the lives of my sisters in Christ.  God is all about relationships, being real and authentic with Him, as well, as each other.  It is a lesson I am constantly being reminded of. I still have no clue what I am doing but I am just going to go with it, trusting that God knows what He is doing.